So here’s my third blog. It’s s complete swerve ball away from writing and it’s a celebration of what was once one of my favourite publications…. Viz Magazine.
I understand that some of you from outside the UK may not have come across Viz, but I urge you to take a look.
Granted, Viz is nowhere near as good as it was in the early days, but it’s still pretty funny. At its peak, it was out selling the Radio Times in the UK.
Here are some Viz ‘Top Tips’. Some are from memory and others I’ve taken from their Facebook page
Please feel free to add some of your own.
DOG OWNERS. Make shouting for your dogs on walks through the woods more fun by calling them “Mr Lover Man” and “Shabba”.
ALWAYS keep £15 of change in your car, in case you need to park at a hospital for twenty minutes.
PRETEND you’re Prime Minister by turning around & waving across the street before going through your front door. Also, be a tw*t.
MAKE your child a delightful mermaid action figure by simply gluing the top half of Barbie to a mackerel fillet.
NEW PARENTS. Up to the age of around 4, kids don’t really know it’s their birthday unless you tell them. Save your money.
RECREATE the thrill of writing a blog by screaming your deepest, most profound thoughts into the dark, uncaring, night sky.
CONVINCE people you’ve had a flake by grating 2 ounces of milk chocolate onto your clothes.
AVOID being late for your doctor’s appointment by arriving 35 minutes late.
RECREATE the festive cheer of a glass of mulled wine from a pub by microwaving a glass of Ribena mixed with Listerine.
PLAY a real life game of ‘Guess Who’ by asking your wife if she has a beard before pushing her over.
Save money. Instead of buying expensive binoculars, just get closer to the thing you want to see.
Tie onions to the belt loops of your husband’s trousers to make the appear heavier.
FOOL reporters into thinking you’re on trial by walking past the High Court with your coat pulled over your head.
Old fluorescent tubes make handy snake carriers.
CONVINCE people you understand rugby by cheering when the posh bloke drinking Guinness cheers.